I believe there is a large portion of the population who fear being alone. I would venture to say that most of us feel that way at some point or another. We may fear being unmarried or without a romantic relationship and/or lacking close friends and family members. We may even fear moving away to a new city or state or taking on our dreams and goals with no one to cheer us along.
Despite the fact that these feelings are fairly normal and most of us have felt them, we still try our best to escape this fear.
All too often we associate with fair-weather friends, chat aimlessly on social media, send random text messages, and even entertain toxic personal relationships, just to say we have someone close to us. Additionally, if we cannot fill the loneliness with people, we may resort to eating unhealthy foods and/or spending more money than we have to “replace” the connections we so desperately desire.
What I have come to realize, even within my own personal challenges, is being alone can be good for the soul. As a matter of fact, it can be down right essential to personal growth.
Deep down, many of us see being alone as joyless and gloomy instead of a time for spiritual growth and learning about ourselves.
I must admit, I learned this the hard way and this past year was probably the hardest of all. Have you ever asked yourself who am I, what is my passion in life, what goals would I love to achieve, or perhaps taken the time to inventory the type of people you keep around?
Those are great questions to ask yourself!
Navigating This Life Alone
If you’ve ever embarked on a major life change, you would probably agree that it can be pretty scary. Especially if you had to face it alone right? Or if you haven’t done so, wouldn’t it be great to feel fearless before you proceed?
Contemplating a move to an unfamiliar place? Currently in a new city and afraid of getting lost? Take it from me, you WILL find your way home. One must get lost to find their way back right? Learn to use GPS, maps, or the old tried and true art of asking directions…………well in a public place of course. Before moving to another state, try maneuvering around in a nearby city. Learn that it’s okay to become lost, get directions and find your way back home.
Don’t know how to do something? Go online or to a public library and learn! Teach yourself. Start with one task and add to your knowledge and skills as you go. Worried about safety? Make it a point to learn about bad areas of town, become cognizant of your surroundings, and maybe even take a self defense class. You’ll most likely feel better about traveling solo.
Navigating this life alone is definitely a process but also one that will empower you. Sure, the first time will be a challenge but once you find your way, a new confidence will surely take over.
Not Having a Relationship
Learning to be okay alone does not mean no relationship at all. However, if you haven’t learned to be okay with yourself then the relationship will most likely be toxic from the start. Yep, I’ve been there and done that too. Did I say that 2015 was my year for hard lessons? Yep, it was. Ahem…moving on.
Why? Because I became vulnerable. I became someone I no longer recognized. When we start to “need” an individual for not only day to day needs like fixing the sink or mowing the grass, but also for emotional needs, things can deteriorate fast. Wanting someone who appreciates your worth, gives comfort, and loves you are not unhealthy things, but when you “need it” and the world turns upside down because they don’t, a disconnect has already developed. We must learn to give that love and care to ourselves starting today and every day. Remember, self-reliance, tenacity, and poise are all very alluring traits.
Being alone gives us time to become content with our own emotions, experience spiritual growth, and accept ourselves as we are. Why? Because we’re good all by ourselves.
They say hindsight is 20/20 and I believe that. If you’re currently in a relationship, pay attention to when you are feeling clingy or needy and take a step back. Enjoy quality time alone. Pay attention to how you feel. Is it uncomfortable? Does it feel strange? Do you have the urge to text someone or post your feelings to Facebook? Try basking in the solitude for a bit longer. Instead of immediately reaching out to social media to validate your current situation, dig within and begin asking yourself the previously mentioned questions. Last but certainly not least….pray.
Are you ready to learn YOU?
Find happiness in being alone. Enjoy a period in life that some people never experience. Be excited about getting to know who you have become and the person you desire to be. Read all the books you can, listen to music that makes you happy/ makes you cry, learn a new hobby or skill, travel to that new city, sit in a coffee shop and enjoy the sounds around you…… take it all in.
You may be alone but most of the time it’s a blessing. Try to see it in a positive light. I believe God takes us out of our comfort zone for a reason. Be still, pray, and care for yourself. I’m confident you will see the beauty in what you may have initially thought would be a mess.
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